BLUE PETER - THE PAPADUM SONG

** With thanks to the Mo Foster estate archives **

THE PAPADUM SONG
Date: 1981
Artist: The R J Wagsmith Band
Album: Make Tea Not War
Studio: Northpond, London
Track: The Papadum Song
Composers: Mike Walling, Mo Foster
Producers: Mo Foster

Musicians:
Ray Russell: sitar
Nic France: tablas
Mo Foster: Roland 808 drum machine, Korg bass synth, acoustic and electric guitar, Wurlitzer piano
Backing Vocals: Kim Goody, Julian Littman

Mo Fosters description of the song.

“I was always a fan of comedy records that were more like comedy sketches with music, and those which spring to mind were by artists such as The Goons, Stan Freberg, and Spike Jones. It was with these artists as mentors that my friend — actor/writer Mike Walling — and I wrote and recorded ‘The Papadum Song’, a fun piece that essentially concerned two losers from Manchester and Wolverhampton arguing over an Indian menu. It was really an early form of rap, although we spoke the lyrics simply and pragmatically because neither of us could sing. We were known as The R J Wagsmith Band.
To our surprise, the song received a fair amount of airplay on BBC Radio 1, and would have been a minor hit but for the perfectly-timed three-week strike at Polygram — the distributor — and not a single record reached the shops!

A couple of TV appearances emerged from the mess, however, one of which was on the well-loved children’s programme Blue Peter.
I assembled some friends to accompany us, namely Ray Russell on sitar, Nic France on tablas, Peter Van Hooke on drums (dressed as an Australian, for reasons only he will know), Gary Taylor on rhythm guitar, and Pete Arneson on Wurlitzer piano. Vocal backing was provided by the three presenters, Sarah Greene, Peter Duncan, and Simon Groome.
We began camera rehearsals at 9.30 in the morning at the BBC TV Centre in Shepherd’s Bush, where Mike and I sat facing each other at a restaurant table, and my friends played their instruments nearby. Mike, being an actor, was cool but I was nervous and had to hide my lines in the menu in front of me. At the end of the song we had scripted a stupid argument about a Bombay Duck, an Indian delicacy that resembles a sort of smelly burnt fish. My character had no idea what this was and at this point I held up a little kipper — the nearest that BBC Props could find —and spoke in an absurd Midlands accent, while Mike replied in his Lancashire accent.

Mo: “I don’t know what this is, but it ain’t a duck”.
Mike: “Yes it is, ducks are like that in India”.
Mo: “Well it don’t taste like a duck”.
Mike: “That’s ‘cos it’s from Bombay”.
Mo: “Well, it’s the funniest duck I’ve ever tasted”.

The argument should have continued at that point, but during the first recording, with five cameras around us, I managed to say: “Well, it’s the funniest f#ck I’ve ever had.” I was so embarrassed, and slumped in a blushing heap on the table. Everything ground to a halt. The technicians rewound the tape and played back the last few seconds over every monitor in the whole studio. Everyone just fell about, shrieking with laughter, although I don’t think producer Biddy Baxter was too amused as she rushed down the spiral staircase to try to salvage the moment. I had to go for a quick run around the studio to calm down. We did a retake, which was fine for transmission later that afternoon.

And I still got my Blue Peter badge.”